Feminism: what it really is about and what it's not.

Feminism is the advocacy for women's rights on the ground of the equality of sexes. It is the belief in and advocacy for the social, economic and political equality of sexes. Cultural feminism emphasizes the difference between men and women but considers that difference to be psychological and culturally constructed rather than being biologically innate. 

There's the stereotype that feminism is all about the hatred of men by women, especially in Nigeria. Feminism activists in this part of the world are seen as bitter women who do not only want to be equal with men but want to overpower them. 

Feminism in this part of the world has been greatly misunderstood. Many see it as an avenue for women to ride over men to get away with whatever they want. The actual purpose of feminism is the equality of rights for both men and women. Having that the only difference between men and women is largely physical, they should be allowed equal rights. For many years, women have been denied several opportunities just because of their gender. If we're to look critically into the history and lives of Nigerians, we would understand perfectly how better a place it would've been if there wasn't such a thing as gender inequality.

You might still be holding strong to your belief in the fact that the fight for gender equality is a partial one; one that only allows women have their way while riding over men and also giving them the opportunity and reason to be bitter and angry. It's understandable because at one point or the other, we've come across selfish women who hide under the guise of feminism and most significantly, a large number of us grew up seeing, learning, believing and conforming with the belief that men are built to rule over women. It is true that the Holy Bible said that the husband is the head of the wife, agreed. It also told us the story of Deborah and how she led the Israelites to war and they returned victorious. 

If you're a regular visitor to my blog, you must've read my post about open mindedness. If you're new here, you're welcome. Please subscribe to my blog so you be the first to see my new posts. You can look up my previous post about open mindedness; just type "open mindedness" on the search bar.

In order to see the light, we all have to go through a not-so-easy process of unlearning and relearning, and this cannot be possible without an open mind.

Feminism might seem like a modern and unrealistic ideology to some, but you need to see this differently now. Also, compare and contrast the difference between women decades and centuries ago and now. In those days and sadly for some now, women belonged to the kitchen and the bedroom. Why was this? Was it because they were born with special cooking and child weaning abilities? No. Women are trained to do these things, but men are trained to be responsible to catering for their families. This is one reason many women have the strong feeling of entitlement when they're dating, engaged or married to a man. Many of our grandmothers and mothers lived all their lives depending on men; from their fathers to their husbands. Many had to tolerate violence because they had no choice; they couldn't quit their marriage as their husbands were their only source of livelihood.

When civilization arrived Nigeria and education was introduced to us, how many girls were allowed to after school? They all believed the place of a woman is in the kitchen and on her back. We all need to stop seeing women as creatures who are built to serve men but as humans who deserve equal rights and opportunities as men.

Men on the other hand have been  trained over time to be rigid. In our society, any man who cries over what breaks their heart is seen as weak. How does shedding tears over something that hurt you measured to be weak? They have grown from generation to generation believing that men shouldn't express their emotions and those who do are shamed for it. They are humans just as women are and are prone to several emotions, some they're able to handle and some they aren't able to. Breaking down doesn't mean one is weak. It simply means you've been overwhelmed by the situation. It doesn't signify weakness. While we try to push the cause for gender equality which mostly focuses and addresses issues with women, we also need to pay attention to how much men have bottled things up for years simply because they're "men". Men are humans, not pieces of wood.

Based on the little information I gathered from Twitter, I've gotten to understand that many people think that men who claim to be feminists are "simps". They're seen as men who agree with all women say just to gain cheap attention and favour from them. On the contrary, being a male feminist is you as a man kicking against all forms of gender inequality at every given opportunity. Making sure a woman isn't denied of a deserving opportunity just because she's a woman is you being a feminist. Making sure a woman isn't disrespected because of her gender is you being a feminist.

I know at this point, you might be wondering why this post hasn't addressed the issue of splitting bills as a part of being feminist. Men have been stereotyped to foot bills whether there's a woman or not. Recently we've heard of couples splitting bills; some women have kicked against it, some embraced it, many men applauded it and a few men stood their ground on the fact that they're to foot bills as men. The actual truth is that anybody can settle the bills and it is only right for the person who has enough or more to do so.

Advocating for gender equality is a good cause. Don't let angry and bitter women online who call themselves feminists make you think otherwise. Being a male feminist isn't against your faith as Solomon Buchi on Twitter put it. 

Putting men and woman on a scale to weigh equally may not be totally possible now, but little drops of water make an ocean. If this generation understands, unlearns the belief in male dominance and upholds the tenets of feminism, then we would be able to teach our children that they're limitless irrespective of their gender.

For further understanding on this crucial topic, I'm recommending two books by one of my favorite Nigerian authors, Chimamanda Ngozi-Adichie.

• We should all be feminists.
• Dear Ijeawele, or a feminist manifesto in seven suggestions.

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