Zee's Diary: My First Breakup

I was 15 and in SS2 when my senior asked me to be his girlfriend. I can't describe how those butterflies in my stomach flapped their wings with reckless abandon. At that age and in my school, it felt like a huge achievement to have a senior student ask you out. 

Layo and I have come a long way. I can still recall very clearly how I spoke to her about it while we walked home. It was a bit difficult saying it to her because I felt shy and didn't know how to break the beautiful news to her. While we walked and she spoke to me, I only nodded while trying to hide the excitement in me from my best friend. She figured, stopped and said "spill it now." "Layo, senior Solade asked me to be his girlfriend", I said with an ear to ear smile, uncertain and scared about what her reaction would be. She wasn't one of those girls who was impressed by boys. She always said they were a distraction and full of themselves. 

Upon hearing what I said, she burst into an unexplainable, unnecessary and annoying laughter. I stood opposite her and watched her mock what I had told her in confidence with my arms folded. When she had had a fill of her laughter, she finally spoke. "So Senior Solade is the reason you've been smiling right from when we left our school?", she said. Layo realizing that her question came off as rhetorical continued, "well, I hope you know what you're doing o. You know all these boys know how to do is write love letters and nothing else. Have you said yes to him?" I looked down, shy, and said "no, I thought I should talk to you about it first." 

After a deliberation that lasted the whole journey, we finally decided at my gate that I would date Solade. Just like a child whose mother allowed to play in sand, I hugged Layo, so tight that she had to hit me on my back to be free from my grip.

My relationship with Solade was interesting for only three weeks. Good old days indeed. He used to walk Layo and I home every day; his house was meters away from mine and he was supposed to take a bus home, but the things we do for love, right? I was feeling untop of the world, like a queen. I barely spent my pocket money throughout those weeks. He always bought Zobo and meat pie for me whenever it was break time. Sometimes, he gave me his transport fare of one hundred naira. I felt in love until one day, we were walking home without Layo. She was sick and didn't come to school. He suggested a shorter route for us to pass home, I agreed. We got to a lonely part and he stopped. I was curious as to why he stopped until he tried to touch my breast. I felt really irritated. He was 18 years old at that time and wanted to try 'weird' things out with me. I resisted him. "Solade, what are you trying to do? Touch my breast?" Solade ignored my words and tried to kiss me on my lips and I pushed him away. "What's wrong you nau, Zee? I'm trying to make you a big girl by doing these things, why are you pushing me away?", he said. Gullibly, I apologized and allowed him touch and fondle my breasts. I felt slight pains but endured it. I was still undergoing puberty, so my nipples were very tender and my breasts, firm. He kissed my lips too and while he did, I occasionally opened my eyes to see his face but his eyes were closed, very focused on my lips and I felt like "yes, he really likes me to be this focused."

That night, I laid in bed thinking of what had happened during the day and smiling like a puppy. 

The next day was hell. Solade acted like a complete, strange terrorist. I went late to school and he asked me and a few other students to cut a field of grass. I had never cried that much in my whole life. We cut the grass and I returned home with a bruises on my hand from handling the old, blunt cutlass. I cried myself to sleep, not because of the bruises but because my boyfriend punished me. I woke up with a swollen eye and this time, I was late again. I told my mother that I was ill and couldn't go to school that morning. She saw my swollen eyes and said I had Apollo, so she let me stay back. 

Solade never came around to see why I wasn't in school that day. I waited till night to see if he would come, but he didn't show up. That night, I sat in my room, by my reading table with my kerosene lantern, sad. I tore the middle of my long notebook and wrote a letter to him:

"Dear Solade,

I hope this meets you well. I thought you said you loved me, but you've shown me otherwise. You're none of the Bible's description of love. You made me cut grass, now I have bruises on my hand. I was absent from school too and you didn't even visit to know what the problem was. Thank you for everything. I'm no longer your girlfriend and I want us to avoid each other pending the time you would write your final exams.

I'd like to drop my golden pen here till I hear from you again.

                                                                              Yours sincerely,

                                                                                Zee."

I never spoke to Layo about it again and every time she asked, I devised a means to avoid answering it; I couldn't stand another round of mocking laughter.