Zee's diary: Pillow talks

 

It was a busy Thursday afternoon and there I was, collapsed in my seat behind my desktop. I barely even had time for my phone (one of the reasons I was single) and I had to increase my phone ringer volume to the highest because many times, I missed my calls. The pressure to deliver at work was so much that I was almost losing my mind. Then my phone rang.

"Hello, this is Morayo Adunade from Shadow FM. Am I speaking with Ms. Zee?", she said smartly. I knew where this was going but I never thought I would be invited to a talk show at a radio station.  "Hi, it's Ms. Zee. How may I help you?", I replied, trying to hide my curiousity. Then she dropped the bombshell, "please we would love you to be on one of our radio programs. The producers of the program were stunned at your recent podcast and would like to work with you." Almost immediately, I forgot than I had a deadline to deliver some documents at work. I was immediately filled with joy; the universe is bringing my denied passion back to me. "Oh I feel so glad that my podcast got to you and you all loved it. Well, I'm grateful for this opportunity but I'm not sure I can take it because of my work schedule", I replied. "Oh that shouldn't be a problem. The program is titled 'Pillow Talk', therefore it's slated for evening", she said. I heaved a sigh of relief and my face beamed with smiles. We agreed to set up a meeting and weekend was our best bet.

"Wow! I just landed myself a job at the media", I thought with unending ear-to-ear smiles on my face. Till the end of the day, I worked with smiles on my face.

*   *    *

It was Saturday and I dressed up in a long sleeve vintage shirt, a black trouser, a pair of stilettos and a small hand bag. I arrived at the radio station by 9am, just in time for the meeting with the producer of that particular segment. We spoke at length about different things; ranging from the nature of my job to my educational background to how I was able to pull off such a podcast without missing and also what the program I was to host was all about. It was like an informal interview. After the discussion about my qualification, we agreed on the amount I'd be paid monthly as salary. It was quite impressive. I was to resume work the following Saturday as they were to use the week before for awareness. They would tell the listeners about this new segment and make them look forward to listening.

Since it was a program for teenagers and other young people, I decided to start creating topics I could discuss every weekend with my listeners. Every time I ate or sang or dressed up, a new topic worth discussing popped up in my head. It seemed like I was going to have the first two months smoothly because I had quite a number of topics already. I was excited and anxious at the same time. I went about with work diligently and happily; no doubt my new job excited me. This was my passion. Occasionally, I rehearsed on how I'd host the show without any hiccups. Of course there were hiccups when I practiced but I perfected them after a little while.

Saturday came and I was at the studio by 8pm. I was one hour early. Pillow talks was supposed to be on from 9pm to 12am, quite fair. I had a little chat with the producer and he was quite excited about the topic of discussion I had for the night. We did some little technical checks in order to avoid issues when I finally went on air. 

"Hello Abuja, hello Nigeria. My name is Zainab but my friends call me Zee and I'm your host for this show tonight. I welcome you to Pillow Talks and wherever you're listening to us from any part of the world, I say thank you." It was 9pm already. I was feeling a bit nervous but the passion I had for this gave me strength.

"We're going to be talking about mistakes teenagers make, how to avoid them and how to control them when the deed is finally done. And today, our focus is on teenage pregnancies", I said and paused for five seconds, like I wanted the words I had just said to sink into the minds of my teenage listeners. "Quite a number of us must've seen or have friends who got pregnant at a very young age. This is a mistake that could've been avoided if they were educated beforehand about it. You're here now and this is your opportunity to avoid this mistake that would most likely destroy your future", I paused again. I was sure my audience were listening with in depth concentration. There was a very cool romantic song playing at the background and each time I paused, it was given the opportunity to be really audible.

"I'd tell you a story about myself and we would pick lessons from it. I read a book some weeks ago and picked something from it, 'experience is the best teacher but it doesn't have to be your own experience.' These words stuck and I've always made sure I learnt from other people's mistakes. You should not wait to experience something firsthand before you learn your lesson. Whatever you're going through or would go through is not new on the surface of the earth and that's why you must read books, make friends, talk to older people and learn from their experience. So today, I'd be sharing my experience with you and hopefully, you won't make the same mistakes I made", I said and paused again.

I started, "when I was a teenager, I had a pregnancy scare. You might be thinking this is nothing to be worried about." I laughed calmly. "Well, listen to how it happened. I was 17 and a virgin and at that time, I was in my first year as a law student. I was dating a final year law student in my school. He was very nice to me and to the best of my knowledge, showed me so much love that I could sacrifice anything to see him smile. We became friends and after a month of meeting and him helping me out with getting used to the environment, we were the talk of the faculty. Everyone who knew Tayo, knew me. It was almost like his name couldn't be pronounced without mine being heard in the faculty. I was a really shy girl and this unexpected popularity made me feel some type of way. If I'm being honest, Tayo influenced my academics positively. We read together all the time. We either read in empty classrooms in the faculty of law or in the library. We were always seen together and people were wise enough to give us our space", I said and paused to catch my breath. "Let's go on a short commercial break, I'd continue with the story when we're back." I took my bottle of water and drank while the advert played. In twenty seconds, I was back on air.

"Welcome back, dear listeners. As I was saying before the short break, Tayo and I were a perfect match and enviable couple. Three months into our relationship, I visited his house off campus and that was the beginning of my undoing. He served me noodles to eat, we hugged and kissed, and then he initiated sex. I was a virgin and felt reluctant but he guilt tripped me into having sex with him. He helped with taking my clothes off and spoke words that made me feel like a queen. He tried having sex with me but I restrained him, 'would you have sex with me without a condom?' He looked at me, disgusted. 'Do you actually love me?', he asked. I nodded and that was the end of it. We did it without a condom. It was a mixture of pain and pleasure, I must say. He kissed me when I expressed intense discomfort and tickled me but never stopped till he finished. I was very nervous because I knew I could get pregnant. He rolled over beside me and slept like a dead horse. I went into the bathroom and cleaned myself up. I was bleeding and crying. After a few minutes of cleaning myself up, he came into the bathroom to hug me and say he loved every moment of it. What I needed to hear. I smiled sheepishly. He also had his bath and we went back into his room and lay cuddled up in his bed. Deep down in my mind, I was scared of getting pregnant. I thought of what my life would become if I got pregnant from this singular sexual intercourse. I was scared and eventually, he broke the silence. "Don't worry about getting pregnant Zee, I'd give you something to render the sperm in you powerless", he said. I felt a bit relieved. He stood up from the bed and went into his kitchen, it was small and one couldn't cook in there without hitting his/her legs on pots. He came back with a bottle of Sprite, a plate of potash and a glass cup. I stared in bewilderment as he crushed a chunk of potash into the glass cup and filled it with Sprite. He dropped the cup and bottle of Sprite on the reading table beside the bed and went back into the kitchen to keep the potash and returned with a spoon. He mixed the potash and Sprite with the spoon, tasted it, nodded his head and stretched his hand forward for me to take it. Gullibly, I took it and gulped it to the last drop. "That's my girl", he said. I smiled and he poured the remaining content in the bottle into my cup and I drank it. I got back to my hostel and threw up countless times. I was scared. I took my phone and texted my boyfriend about how I felt and all he could say was 'don't worry, you would be fine'. I was fine afterwards and life continued. One month later, I began to throw up again. I felt really uncomfortable whenever I tried going out of my hostel. I lost appetite and I didn't see my period for two weeks. Deep down, I thought I was finished. Everything that was happening to me pointed at pregnancy. I always had weird cravings too. I cried for days and my roommates wondered what the issue was with me. I finally decided to go to the hospital and get tested. That was the bravest thing I ever did as a teenager", I paused again.

"The doctor I consulted at the school's health centre was kind and I explained to her how I felt. Then she asked, " when last did you see your period?" I couldn't hide how I felt and tears rolled down my eyes uncontrollably. She laughed and said 'I always warn you children of nowadays against unprotected sex, but you never listen'. Wipe your tears, you're not sure if you're pregnant or not. She wrote some undecipherable words on a piece of paper and asked me to take it to the nurse to run some tests on me. I walked out of her office like a sinner that just confessed her sins at the foot of Jesus and took the paper to the nurse. She took the paper from me, cast a glance at it and looked at me like I was a suspect. My heart beat fast. She took my blood sample and took it for a pregnancy and typhoid/malaria test. "Come back tomorrow for the result of the test", she said.

"Twenty four hours felt like one month as I watched the each hour pass as the clock ticked. I couldn't find sleep that night and the next day after class, I didn't walk with my clique. I had to rush off to the hospital to get my test results. I got to the doctor's office that afternoon and she was busy writing something in a book when I greeted her. She asked me to sit without even looking up from the book she was busy with. Finally, she looked at my face and said "oh my girl, you're back for your test results". "Yes ma", I replied. She fetched my test results from a file and checked it. She smiled and said while handing the results over to me, "you're not pregnant, you just have typhoid and malaria. You're lucky you didn't even contract an STI. Next time, practice safe sex if you can't abstain", and handed over three packets of condoms to me. I collected them and pushed them into my handbag." Thank you ma", I said. She handed me a list of drug recommendation and asked me to get them from the hospital pharmacy as I was going out. I got the drugs and left the hospital with a light heart and body. When I got back to my hostel, I called Tayo and told him I was pregnant. He hung up and called me back an hour later to tell me to abort the pregnancy. I hung up and blocked him on WhatsApp and from calling me. That was all I had to go through to know that no love was worth destroying my future over."

I spoke extensively about the need to abstain from sex or always make use of condoms in order to avoid unwanted pregnancies and STIs.

I opened the phone lines and was surprised as to how my story touched my listeners. They promised me to always keep this story in their minds and prevent making the mistake that could jeopardize their future.

When it was 12am and the program was over, the producer shook my hand and commended me for a great performance. I felt fulfilled. When I woke up the next morning, I got over five hundred followers on Instagram and a lot of direct messages from confused teenagers seeking advice from me. I replied the ones I could and slept throughout the day. It was Sunday and I wasn't a regular church goer.